That was just one of the now famous Charlie Sheen quotes from the last week.
In honour of his Sheenisms, I have put together some of my favorite quotes so far:
On people criticizing him on Twitter
"It's sad for them. It's like, 'Get a job, anyone?'"
On life at his L.A. mansion with two women whom he calls "the goddesses”
"Maybe the three of us will get married. I don't know. I'm gonna say this. It's a polygamy story. All my guy friends are gonna like throw tomatoes at me. It's like an organic union of the hearts."
On his affinity for porn stars
"it's exciting ... you already know what you're getting before you meet them. "They're the best at what they do and I'm the best at what I do. And together it's like, it's on. Sorry, Middle America. Yeah, I said it."
On why he hires prostitutes
“Who wants to deal with all the small talk and nonsense? And you're paying for something that eliminates that. And I don't know. It makes sense to me. As long as you're not lying to anybody. As long as you're not lying to people, I think whatever you're doing, there's no children involved in, then you're OK. But people are going to judge it, because they're so jealous.
On why he won't join AA,
“you gotta sit in a room and be all lame. I’m a winner and they look like losers.”
Plus here are some other gems that need no explanation
“Women are not to be hit. They're to be hugged and caressed ... She was attacking me, though, with a small fork — like a cocktail fork. And she had it with her; that was the weird part. What was she doing with, like, a shrimp fork in her purse? She stole it, clearly. From a buffet.”
“That doesn’t matter. That was an old brain. I have a new brain. I have a 10,000-year-old brain and the boogers of a seven-year-old. That’s how I describe myself.”
“I wish people would shift that focus on to themselves and their own family and their own friends and just maybe spend a little more time on their home front. And not some distant planet that is me.”
“[On Two And A Half Men] there’s always, you know, a pee-pee or a butt—you know, pooh-pooh joke or a thing and I’m being like kind right now—in ways that they make you see things or feel imagery that is — that’s just juvenile and gross. And it’s not—I don’t think it comes close to—I think it eclipses some of the stuff I’m doing out there on my most epic nights, you know?”
[After Piers says Sheen's life is "unconventional"] Pretty good word for it. I think it’s just straight-out bitching.”
“You’ve always got to consider the source. You look at some of these retarded zombies, these trolls that roll out of there and heading back for the rock to crawl back under before the sun peeks out—and they’re putting so much stock into the words and the thoughts and, as I have said, the gibberish of fools, and not checking anything with me.”
“In their opinion, in their vast research, pink clouds have to go away. Can’t you spin on a pink cloud your whole life, and just be super bitching and focused?”
Reporter: “Are you clean right now?” Sheen: “Look at me, duh. drug tests don’t lie.” Reporter: “When was the last time you did drugs?” Sheen: “I don’t know. score board doesn’t lie”
“Passion. I think my passion is misinterpreted as anger sometimes. I don’t think people are ready for the message I’m delivering and delivering with a sense of violent love.”
“They’re trying to destroy my family. Defeat is not an option. They picked a fight with a warlock.”
“How do you intend to win the war?” Sheen: “With zeal, focus and violent hatred. You love or hate, you live in the middle you get nothing.”
Reporter: How do you avoid slipping into that again?” Sheen: I won’t do it. I don’t believe if I do something I have to follow a certain path. It was written for normal people. People that don’t have tiger blood and Adonis DNA.
“Come Wednesday morning they will rename it Charlie Brothers and not Warner Brothers. Duh. Winning Guys, IMDB, right there, 62 movies and a ton of success. Come on, bro, I won best picture at 20. I wasn’t even trying. Wasn’t even warm. I have Roman Copola with a script. David Ward with “Major League 3″ God is a Bullet.
" I will even do season 10, but at this point, because of psychological distress, on my god, it’s $3 million an episode. Take it or Leave it. Everybody thinks I should be begging for my job back and everybody else will be begging me for my job back .That’s how I roll. Defeat is not an option."
The babies live with me, they're in the kitchen right now. They run around and they're as fun as you can imagine. They say 'Dada' and run into walls. And Dada is cool, but when they run into walls I say, 'Don't do that, that's retarded.' "
"I'm bi-winning!"
"You borrow my brain for like 5 seconds and be like, Dude! Can't handle it! Unplug this bastard!"
"Duh! Winning!"
"I've exposed people to magic."
"I have a disease? Bullshit! I cured it with my BRAIN!"
"People say, You have to work through your resentments. Yeah, no, I'm going hang on to them and they're going fuel my attack!"
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| Charlie showing Piers his drug test results. He carries them in his pocket. |
Part 2 tomorrow!!
